"Rei" of Hope

To the constant and ever-flaming bright "rei" of hope in my life,

Happy second birthday!!  :)

A Rhetorical Question

Having worked previously in the Intensive Care Unit for almost 3 years, I am no stranger to something that many people view as taboo..

Death

We would break the bad news to a couple of our patients' grief-stricken families on a daily basis, to the extent that sometimes, especially after a harrowing 32 -hour on -call, death, God forbid, became almost a matter-of-fact... Yes, it was as if my conscience and compassion had suffered a massive stroke, and I had become paralysed and devoid of the ability to Empathise.... This was, one of the main reasons why I left critical care... I needed a clinical rehabilitation, to remind myself again the immense privilege that is to being someone's doctor.

Today, one of my patients looked me in the eye, and as she struggled to catch her breath, asked me outright:

" Doctor, am I dying?"

This is the first time in my medical career that someone asked me this question. Well, most of my previous critical patients were either comatosed or had a breathing tube in their mouth, so they couldn't have asked me this question even if they had wanted to.

"Is this how it all ends?"

I could hear the wheels in my brain engaging rapidly in full gear. How, how should I respond to this? Should I tell her that she is indeed dying and all her suffering will pass from here on, or should I continue to give her hope so that her inevitable journey to death will be less dreadful?

I steadied my humbled self and took her hands in mine..As I brushed the beads of sweat off her forehead, I gently alluded to the fact that the inevitable is indeed drawing near, but I would ensure the journey would be well supported, comfortable and most importantly, dignified...

I realise that in our current medical culture, we are, most of the time, pre-occupied with treatment and cure, that we sometimes overlook the fact that the journey of dying, is also as important, both to the patient and also to their loved ones... what can be more comforting for the carers than seeing their dying loved ones go in peace, and at least, with dignity?

She mustered her strength and gave me a smile, but very soon after, lapsed into a peaceful state of subconsciousness.... 

The above image was downloaded from www.glatfelterhealthcarepractice.com

Cake and candles

You know how some people refuse to reveal their age, and insist that they are always 21?

I can finally understand why now.

There comes a time in our lives when we feel that we want to put a brake on the bullet train that is Life.
There comes a time when we feel that time, is never enough.
That we want to make the most of our lives, but we are not sure where to start.

Is this what people call a mid-life crisis?

But I'm nowhere near that yet.

For the past few years, my birthday has felt the same as the ones before. Carefree and young, with little to ask for, not much more to hope for.

But today, as I march into my 31st birthday, I feel liberated, and insanely grateful. For the first time in my life, my path is not set, and the possibilities are endless. It is rather unsettling, but also exciting at the same time.

And I have my loving husband and beautiful daughter by my side, embarking on this journey together. Hand- in- hand.

And my family and friends who have tirelessly supported me all these years.

What more can I ask for? =)

Happily ever after

it's been a long hiatus...

you know how people always say that time flies when you are having fun?
it's so true..

the past month has just flown by like fine grains of sand rushing through between our fingers. So poignant but so impossible to hold still in the face of time..

The start of April marked the day when one of my best friends got married. It was, truthfully, the wedding of the century.
Beautiful roses adorning the canopy that rested so idly on the pristine beaches of Langkawi
Tears of joy and wonderment as we witness the perfect union of two people brought together by true love

As I watch my beautiful friend walk down the sandy aisle, my heart was bursting with poignant nostalgia of the times we shared in Melbourne, and my eyes were brimming with tears of joy and blessing. The concoction of feelings that one feels when a dearest friend so kind and true, ends up with someone who truly accepts her and appreciates her for who she is, is, simply, indescribable....

Congratulations my dearest, dearest friend.....

Food for "Tot": Creamy Chicken & Cheese Pastry

To all the new mums out there, have you ever had a problem with finding just the right stuff that your new baby will at least spare a nibble for?

As my child march into her 17th month, her taste buds are also fast developing, and they leave no mercy for bland and mushy "baby food". 

Food that she once fancied, including good ol' porridge and steamed fish have quite literally, been thrown out of the window. For the past few weeks, since I've got some time at home at the moment, I've decided to try to come up with a few easy -to-do recipes that might just tantalise her taste buds.

And today, I seem to had struck gold with this:

This is sooo simple and quick to do and so yummy! Plus, your kid will eat the vegetables without even realising it! You can make your own puff pastry but really, every minute and second of free time is oh so precious to a new mum, so no one when give you grief if you just pick them up from the supermarket. Try it! =)

Creamy Chicken and Cheese Pastry
Prep time : 10min
Baking time: 15min

Ingredients: (makes 4 small pastries, my 17 month old can finish 1 and a half)

Puff pastry sheets (4 squares about 12cm in length)
100g  chicken breast (cut into small bite-sized dices)
2 tablespoons sweet corn kernels
2 small baby carrots (cut into small circles)
1 teaspoon broccoli (using only the top bit)
3 tablespoons milk/ 2 tablespoons cream
1 teaspoon butter
A pinch of salt 
1 slice of cheese (cut into small pieces)
1 beaten egg
1 teaspoon cornflour (mix in 1 teaspoon water)

In a saucepan, melt the butter and fry the chicken dices until it's almost cooked through. 
Add in the corn, broccoli and carrots. 
After stir- frying for about 1 minute, add in the milk/ cream, whichever is available. 
Flavour with a pinch of salt.
Sprinkle the cheese over the mixture.
After the cheese has melted, stir in the corn starch mixture
After the sauce has thickened, put aside to cool.
Take a sheet of puff pastry and put 2 tablespoons of filling in the center.
Fold up all four corners of the pastry and press the edges together. Make sure that the edges are joined and that you haven't overfilled the pastry, so as to prevent the pastry from opening up later whilst baking.
Using a fork, press along the edges of the pastry to make nice imprints and also to lock the edges together.
Brush the surface with beaten egg.
Place in the oven and bake for about 15 min or until it turns golden brown.

Tadaaaa! :) It's just so satisfying to FINALLY see the little one gobble down the food happily. She even did her signature "happy dance"! ;)

More to come!

L.O.V.E

Who is wise in love, love most, say least.
Alfred Lord Tennyson

The above cannot be more apt for the man of my life. 
Thank you for making me feel loved every single day. 

Happy anniversary...

Marini's on 57 at Petronas Twin Towers

Very often, with the arrival of our precious little one, we sort of forget each other. Our minds are so preoccupied with all the minor lil details about the bubs; from how many ounces of milk she drank today to the colour of her poop (disgusting but true), that we tend to throw romance out of the window.

On that random day, hubby decided to award his sleep-deprived wife with a surprise date for two. You see, my hubby is not the most romantic person, and I do admit that I took a second to check out if the moon was blue that night. So when he suggested we take a drive down to the city to have dinner and drinks at a mysterious place, you can imagine my excitement and earnest anticipation.

And true enough, he didn't disappoint.

As we entered the lift that took a decade to reach the ground floor, I felt a wave of apprehension and I pondered the small possibility of being stuck in this 3 by 3m confined metallic surroundings with two other distinguished looking middle-aged couple. I got better of my clautrophobic self and held my breath as the lift door closed and I felt my ascent begin. 

1---22----35-----50----------57!!!!

After a rather surreal minute later, we landed on the 57th floor. And by "landed", I meant I felt almost like half an astronaut. (This is even before the drinks by the way)

Marini's on 57

Level 57,  Menara 3 Petronas, Persiaran KLCC, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

+603 2161 2880 / 4880 or +6017 688 0167

First impression: WOW. The view of the twin towers is absolutely breathtaking! 

But much to our disappointment, the dining area had been booked out that night due to a private function, so we had to settle with sitting by the bar and waiting for a seat , which we didn't really mind cos the service was really quite impeccable, and it gave us ample time to check out the drinks list.

Cocktails, Liqueurs, Imported beers, scotch, whisky, vodka, Wine, Champagne. You name, they've got it. Although the price is on the higher side, the view and the service was well worth it. 

After a glass of Frangelico, we were whisked to a small table next to the bar. It is pretty exciting stuff to see the mixotologists perform and take so much pride in their work. And the cocktails there were yuuuummmmm.

We also ordered some snack dishes, like fried chicken, calamari, and angel-hair pasta, which was nothing special, and did more than enough to delight our taste buds!

You can expect all your senses to go on an overdrive by just sitting in this place. The diversity in the customers, the lighting, the view, the eye candy, the old school R & B and the delicious cocktails..

Ahhh.. just the way to maximise the few hours we have away from parenthood!  I will definitely return to try out the mains!

Hasta la vista, Marini's! 

Burps and Giggles at Ipoh

Those who know me well will know that I am quite the foodie =) I've heard a lot about Burps & Giggles, and since we were heading up to Ipoh for a short trip, it became a fixture on our itinerary wall. Besides, It's the brainchild of the family of my dear friend Krystal from our Melbourne days! How can I afford to miss it! =)


Burps & Giggles
- 3 & 95, Jalan Sultan Yussuf, Ipoh, Malaysia

This cafe is the epitome of " don't judge a book by its cover". Located in what appears to be a rather dilapidated row of shop houses, you'll definitely be pleasantly surprised after you enter its doors. The main entrance leads to the middle section, where the bar takes center-stage.  Here, you'll be more than tempted to sink into the comfy red sofa and enjoy perhaps a glass of champagne. However, when we got there, it was the 4th day of Chinese New Year, and the place was totally packed with many queuing outside for a table. We were lucky to find a small table for us and the lil one in the vintage and quaint section of the restaurant. Here's what it looks like.  

I love this section. Notice how there is a a dismantled modern fan on the shelf at the upper right corner, contrasted by the vintage fan on the lower left? Love the thought and details put into every lil corner of the cafe. 

Everything in this section, from the chairs down to the sugar bowl, is vintage. We felt like we were in the 1970s! Because it was soooo packed, we had to wait quite long for our food. But we were feasting our eyes on our intriguing surroundings anyway, so we hardly noticed the time.

We had the wagyu beef burger which was really yummy. Juicy, cooked just right, and the meat was very tender. Besides that, we had the halibut burger and a bowl of chips. There is actually so much more variety on the menu, including crepes, pasta, bagels and cakes, but because it was so crowded, they were only serving burgers. Really wished we had the change to try out the rest of the food on the menu! Our cappuccino was really aromatic, comparable to those that we can get in the Italian cafes in Melbourne, which says a lot!

We couldn' t stay for long cos we could see many people eagerly preying on our seats form the corners of our eyes haha. As we made our way out of the restaurant, I spotted the restaurant owner who was also the barrister that day. He was working very hard in the third section of the cafe bistro, where you can indulge in the aroma of the espresso and admire the cakes on display whilst sipping on your cuppa. This section is very cozy, with an emphasis on vintage wooden furniture.

Overall, this place is such a rare find, not only in Ipoh, but I would say the whole of Malaysia. You can feel the love and passion that they have put in to every corner of the place. This will become a permanent fixture in all my Ipoh trips! =)

Intersection Three Zero

I've always been the kind of person whom many will call a go- getter. For the majority of my life, I've always known what I wanted, and I worked hard to achieve it. Having been raised as a middle kid, in a middle-class family in a Singaporean society, with dedicated parents but whom are a tad bit too nonchalent, I've learnt from a tender age that if I wanted something, I have to go get it myself. 

And I did.

It is this drive and thirst for excellence, throw in a bit of all authentic Singaporean "kiasu-ism" that helped me to pretty much breeze through my medical school years. 

But now, I'm stuck.

Don't get me wrong. I consider myself very blessed in so many many ways, and I thank the gods everyday for watching over me. What's troubling me now is what I should do with my medical career...

I went through med school, almost hundred percent sure that I would become a medical physician/ oncologist.

Then I went through the Australian internship and thought perhaps I should be an endocrinologist.

Eventually, the Malaysian housemanship made me feel like I should just give up medicine altogether.

My years in intensive care and anaesthesia then made me love medicine again. It gave me the privilege to be here for my patients and their families till , literally, the end. It made me fully appreciate how truly vulnerable one can be, and how, really at the end of the day, we are after all , all the same....

I went through my pregnancy days camping in ICU and the operating theatre, trying my best to save my patients and praying every minute of the day that my unborn child will not be infected with TB, HIV , Hepatitis ... You name it. For three years , whenever I closed my eyes as I lay my heavy head on the pillow, and wished that I had more time for the man that slept bedside me, all I could hear was the beeping sounds of the cardiac monitors, all I could smell was the fumes from the diathermy. As I welcomed the birth of my beautiful daughter, it was in that moment when I held her tiny hands and looked into her deep dark irises that I realized...

This is enough.. There is more to life than medicine right...?

So I switched to research. Nine to five, no calls, no obligations, no one dying on you just because you missed their call. That was a nice change. But it didn't last long... Due to some factors that cannot be further explained, I had to leave.

So where does that leave me ? 

Probably general practice ...

But then again, it doesn't really matter anymore.

Now I can wake up to a tiny kiss on my cheek every morning, and bask in unconditional love. I try not to stay out late because I know there are many who really cares. I have someone who accepts me totally for who I am. 

Now that, is what truly matters. 

The ability to love and be loved wholeheartedly is, as cliche as it sounds...

 Priceless.



Image from http://www.cefc.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/james-intersection.jpg

Words

It's such a joy to see your lil one grow up day by day, ticking off the milestones checklist one by one:
turning over
Sitting up
Standing
Walking
Running ( comes invariably with falling at the moment)
Singing ( what sounds more like pitch deaf humming)
And talking (maximum two syllabus at the moment, although she is attempting to say "I Lyou"!!)

Speaking of which, I thought it would be nice to record down the words that she can say at 15 months.
Papa (her first word)* mama * ah gong *ah ma* che che (uncle)* Poh Poh *
Go where?? ( comes with hand gesture and expression of bewilderment)
Up ! (she shouts this out loud to announce that she's awake every morning, usually also in an attempt to wake her sleepy parents up )
Haaaand ( and subsequently twirls her lil fingers around yours)
BReAaaaD - her all time favorite food
Dog* Cat* Bear* Fish*Bird*
Apple * Mango * Nana (for banana)*Durett--- which is supposed to mean cherry, don't ask me why that is haha
YES* NO* WAIT
Ai-jia (Hokkein for wanting to eat )
Baby ( referring to all human beings that appear smaller than her )*jie jie * Co Co
Shoeeee
Chou-Chou -- referring to her socks
Baaarni (barney)
Ball
IPAD!
Cup
No more
Allo
Eyes*teeth*ears*hair *knee*elbow
One*two


And last but not least....

"I L-You!!"

And so it is

It's been a 7 -year long hiatus. Since I've got more time on my hands now, I thought I might as well start writing again.

I was reading my last blog, and I smile with amusement at my last entry on the November 29, 2006:

Quote:



***
many of my friends and colleagues from old thought that I would end up as a surgeon, intensivist or even a geriatrician (yes, I enjoy talking to friendly old people quite a lot.)

But look at where I am now -- full-time mother, part-time doctor......  and I have never felt happier... =)

Baby Rei

3010

I've always had an obsession with numbers. Isn't it amazing how ten different digits can give rise to a million gazillion combinations and permutations? In this day and age, our sense of security is, more often than not, reliant on these little digits.

3010

This combination of numbers never meant anything to me, until the day I held my little newborn in my arms, whilst in the caress of my beloved husband. After nine months of surrealism, things finally hit home. Like what my husband said in that moment of magical silence, " I never imagined that I was able to be a part of the making of something so beautiful...." 

As I looked into the bewildering blackness of her big round irises, my heart began to swell with this great concoction of emotions that I will never be able to adequately describe. Amazement. Happiness. Anticipation. Disbelief.

Cos from this moment on, we have our very own "Rei" of hope...!  =)