Intersection Three Zero

I've always been the kind of person whom many will call a go- getter. For the majority of my life, I've always known what I wanted, and I worked hard to achieve it. Having been raised as a middle kid, in a middle-class family in a Singaporean society, with dedicated parents but whom are a tad bit too nonchalent, I've learnt from a tender age that if I wanted something, I have to go get it myself. 

And I did.

It is this drive and thirst for excellence, throw in a bit of all authentic Singaporean "kiasu-ism" that helped me to pretty much breeze through my medical school years. 

But now, I'm stuck.

Don't get me wrong. I consider myself very blessed in so many many ways, and I thank the gods everyday for watching over me. What's troubling me now is what I should do with my medical career...

I went through med school, almost hundred percent sure that I would become a medical physician/ oncologist.

Then I went through the Australian internship and thought perhaps I should be an endocrinologist.

Eventually, the Malaysian housemanship made me feel like I should just give up medicine altogether.

My years in intensive care and anaesthesia then made me love medicine again. It gave me the privilege to be here for my patients and their families till , literally, the end. It made me fully appreciate how truly vulnerable one can be, and how, really at the end of the day, we are after all , all the same....

I went through my pregnancy days camping in ICU and the operating theatre, trying my best to save my patients and praying every minute of the day that my unborn child will not be infected with TB, HIV , Hepatitis ... You name it. For three years , whenever I closed my eyes as I lay my heavy head on the pillow, and wished that I had more time for the man that slept bedside me, all I could hear was the beeping sounds of the cardiac monitors, all I could smell was the fumes from the diathermy. As I welcomed the birth of my beautiful daughter, it was in that moment when I held her tiny hands and looked into her deep dark irises that I realized...

This is enough.. There is more to life than medicine right...?

So I switched to research. Nine to five, no calls, no obligations, no one dying on you just because you missed their call. That was a nice change. But it didn't last long... Due to some factors that cannot be further explained, I had to leave.

So where does that leave me ? 

Probably general practice ...

But then again, it doesn't really matter anymore.

Now I can wake up to a tiny kiss on my cheek every morning, and bask in unconditional love. I try not to stay out late because I know there are many who really cares. I have someone who accepts me totally for who I am. 

Now that, is what truly matters. 

The ability to love and be loved wholeheartedly is, as cliche as it sounds...

 Priceless.



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